For forty-five years, I have focused on proving myself to those who, I believed, thought less of me. When my plans did not work as expected, I dusted myself off and rose, already onto the next move. The reasons for failures or disappointments, I attributed to forces outside myself while accepting my part in the events.
Accepting is not the same as examining yourself to understand what brought you to the place where you find yourself.
Many times in my life, I could not, and did not, want to see past my emotions. The still small voice, gut instinct, and whispers of caution, I ignored because they did not fit my agenda. It is seeing without seeing, a knowing inside the spirit raising an alarm, but it is so quiet, so gentle, that it is easily pushed aside. Yet, if we never take the time to understand ourselves and the tools we have within, how can we hope to grow and become complete in spirit, soul, and body.
It was during a conversation with a close friend that I blurted out something I had never confessed to myself, let alone spoken aloud. I shocked myself.
The unvarnished truth resonated in every fiber of my being. Visions of my past rolled through my mind with the knowledge of those moments when I had pushed aside those tools of the spirit, in favor of what I saw as another opportunity to prove myself.
I was crushed. Tears sprang to my eyes at how each time I rejected that precious part of my spirit, the choices I made added another rift so that I became less of the complete me I was intended to be.
I had done this to myself.
Once the tears dried, I knew what I must do – heal the rift, fill that chasm with truth, and learn better.
That was my day of reckoning and the first step in my journey toward healing the wounds in my spirit, in my soul which consists of emotions and reasoning or mental processes, and my body. Here is where I begin to uncover a new way of being so that I can live out my truth, my life, fully, joyfully, phenomenally.
Have you experienced your day of reckoning?
I always had this thing..making other people happy..but what about me..
This is something I think many of us can identify with, but we must always make time to nurture ourselves. Thank you for your comment!