Starting in late summer to fall of 2021, I found myself feeling a general sense of dissatisfaction that left me with a bone deep weariness. Some days, it took great effort just to get out of bed.
Do you know what I was experiencing? Ennui (pronounced aan-wee). Per merriam-webster.com, ennui is a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction.
Several factors came into play that brought me to this point. One was remaining in a relationship that wasn’t meeting my needs. Another was not working my purposes in life due to insecurity and the fear of failure. Other considerations were my chronic pain, the cold weather, and chronic depression.
In late October, my sisters and I flew to Indianapolis for our cousin’s wedding. We saw family we had not seen in years. It was uplifting. Traveling is a passion of mine anyway. Traveling with my sisters made it extra special and gave me an additional boost.
When I returned home, I decided to tackle my issues, so I didn’t succumb to ennui once more. I arranged to speak with a mental health counselor and met with him for the first time early in December. He gave me valuable tools to counter my depression whenever it threatens to overwhelm me. The other thing I needed help with was determining if I had unrealistic expectations from a relationship. Was I emotionally needy?
I discovered I was not. What I did learn (again – because some of us just don’t get it the first, second, even third time) is to stop rushing into relationships. Stop listening only to my heart and flesh. Still those voices and start listening for GOD’s leading and pay attention to what I see with my eyes and feel in my spirit with an objectivity that forces me to see what is and not what I want it to be.
Matthew 6:33 reads, “Seek first the kingdom of GOD and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you.”
For me, this is key. So here are my life’s priorities:
- (1) Seek to grow in wisdom, knowledge, and understanding of GOD’s Word and His plan for my life and in relationship with GOD.
- (2) Work in my purposes and make sure they align with GOD’s plan for me.
- (3) Help others.
If it’s God’s plan for me to be in a relationship, He will show me. I trust Him, not myself, not just in this but in all things.
Taking those actions helped me. I awoke with a new attitude and my new word for 2022: Re-Energize!
Before I knew it, ennui had been replaced with renewed peace and a new energy. I am determined, focused, and I trust GOD for His blessings and favor on me, my life, and the work of my hands.
So, if you find yourself experiencing ennui and it is unrelated to a physical health condition, please, seek help. You will receive tools to help you fight it and lead you to new purpose if you are open to receiving and utilizing them. Let go of what is not working even if it hurts to do so.
Remember that we are spiritual as well as physical beings. Find your spiritual foundation and build on it. This is not about religion. It is knowing there is a Supreme Being greater than ourselves. That knowledge will keep you going when life becomes difficult. I wish you wellness, love, and peace always.
Take care now!