Well, it’s that time of the year to begin reflecting on how our lives went in 2023. At least, it is that for me. So many things were in motion.
This year was, for me, quite an eye-opener as I learned so much in every area of my life. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. I had to face myself in my relationships, business, and finance, and I am reeling from the revelations. And all of what I learned struck the deepest spiritual part of myself, especially because so much hurt me to the core of my soul.
Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful for the good and the bad. Why? Because knowing means growing. What I don’t know, I can’t grow from. Oh, but revealed, yes, those things give me options.
For instance, and this is not news to me, I procrastinate. Although I knew it wasn’t, and isn’t, the best trait to have, I was not moving to change it in a determined fashion.
What we must always keep in mind is that, within us, nothing works in isolation.
I may have mentioned in a previous post that I am more of an introvert than an extrovert. Really. I can self-entertain all day and never leave my house or make an effort to connect with another person. While that may not be the worst trait, it is certainly unhealthy.
What am I doing when I am entertaining myself? Reading fiction. I read in bed before I force myself to get out of bed. I read as I brush my teeth and wash my face. I even listen to a book while I shower and dress because I will have the same book on Kindle and Audible. I fix a bowl of cereal and read while I eat. I lounge on the sofa, reading, with music or the television on for background noise. All day, that is what I do until time to go to bed, and then I read until I go to sleep, which may not be until the following day if the story grips me like that.
So what, you may ask? What are you hurting? You’re retired, you say. You can do that.
Just because you can does not mean you should, at least not as a way of life. It is too easy for an introvert to withdraw unless there is a conscious effort to do otherwise. When I procrastinate, I delay dealing with something that needs doing because it forces me out of my comfort zone. I do not want to think about things that are necessary but not really pleasant.
How about the fact that I have a fixed income and bills to pay that must be prioritized?
How about the fact that I should do something that exercises my brain and my body? After all, I am in the population with those “aging fabulously.” Dementia, arthritis, and a body that doesn’t work as efficiently as it once did are real issues for me. How will new brain cells form if I don’t engage my mind by learning new and complex things?
If I don’t focus on toning and strengthening my body, it will stiffen as arthritis sets in, becoming painful for me to move around. To avoid that pain, I avoid moving around much. In a short period, I could lose muscle strength and find myself unable to move and care for myself
Not good, wouldn’t you agree? See how one thing affects another?
Another thing that has become a real problem for me is I am a people pleaser. It’s not necessarily a bad trait unless your eyes are opened and you begin to see that being a people pleaser has formed the basis of a relationship that you thought was based on mutual respect and caring for one another.
One thing we all know for sure is that actions speak louder than words.
Also, I’m not too fond of confrontations. Instead, I try to gently get people to see that they are taking my niceness for weakness, ignoring promises and agreements, devaluing my worth, and just using me because I did not take direct action to end it immediately. But people avoid seeing what they don’t want to see, especially if it means inconveniencing themselves.
Can you not imagine how you would feel to know that a five or ten-year friendship only lasted that long because of what you do for the other person? Because you made yourself easy to use?
You noticed how I stated that, right? I have to own my part of this whole wretched situation. After all, people do what you allow them to do.
Despite everything I have been through, my heart is open. When I care for someone, I want to be the best kind of friend or more. I want to help when they need me in whatever way I can if I have the power to do so. My heart leads the way, and I will bend over backward to give of myself.
Well, the problem with that is I need to use discernment. Discernment! Yeah, that word, although I had heard it before, was not a part of my emotional character, and it should have been.
Did you know your heart can lead you wrong if you don’t have discernment to balance it? We must exercise this skill, so it becomes a habitual part of who we are.
Discernment puts on the brakes when you jump into something that sounds good without doing your due diligence and researching it. Discernment puts on the brakes when you open your heart to someone you don’t know whose friendship with you is brand new. Discernment tells you to step back and analyze when something has changed, and you find that you want more, but your partner doesn’t.
We all need time to observe, to see every aspect of something on its own, as well as in unison or interaction with other elements of a situation, friendship, relationship, and even of a person.
Do you see everything in a room if you are looking through a barely opened door? No! You know what is revealed only as the door is opened. Likewise, the more you observe a person or situation, the more the whole is revealed. And since the person or situation is more complex than a room, time is the door to seeing what is revealed through life’s ups and downs.
I could continue, but I believe you get my point.
Reflecting on my life as we slowly draw to a close for another year will be the catalyst to make the changes so that 2024 won’t repeat the mistakes I made in 2023 if God blesses me to see it and live it.
When you reflect on your life, what will you discover? Drop me a line and share your truth if you are so inclined. In the meantime, I wish all of you love, peace, and joy as you continue on this journey we call life.
Until next time!